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Ugh, how many sentences have I already typed and erased? As much as it hurts, I’ve decided to end things with Gary. My feelings are starting to get really strong and I want to back out before it’s too late. While I was half asleep today, an image came into my head of me going up an escalator and holding his hand while he stays firmly only the ground looking behind him and finally his hand slips out of mine as we become too far apart. Sometimes I feel like I’m not getting what I deserve. This is the second time that I’ve found myself to be the perfect candidate for someone’s affection and they’re too busy looking at someone who isn’t right for them. I hope one day they regret it, realizing how great I treated them and how perfect things were between us. I would do anything for him. I think about him 85% of each day. I dread losing him. My heart flutters just hearing his voice and it’s the happiest I’ve felt in a long time whenever he holds me or kisses me. I don’t know what it all means but I know what it suggests and I know it isn’t reciprocated. Every time I think about how much I care about him, I think about him missing someone else and I realize it’s futile. He has already decided who the love of his life is and you’ve only got room for one of those so I’m done trying to be her. One day, though, you’ll think back on how much I cared for you, how much I appreciated you, how much we laughed together…and you’ll wish you weren’t so blind.
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